Supporting Our Adolescents

May 29, 2023

Tanesia R. Hale-Jones is a Montessorian, educator, social activist, poet, artist, and parent, who believes deeply in the importance of community engagement and teaching young people to be global citizens. Tanesia serves as Jr. High Level Director and Adolescent Guide at Escuela del Sol Montessori, where she guides 7th and 8th-grade students and oversees a team of teachers and community partners. Tanesia lives and works on Tiwa Territory in Albuquerque, New Mexico, with her 18-year-old, two cats, and many house plants. She recently shared some of her insights from her many years of working with adolescents.



As a Montessori adolescent guide (and a parent of an adolescent), how do you see the role of adults needing to shift for teens? What is your advice for caregivers of adolescents? 

 

It’s important to remember that our children aren’t living their parents’ adolescence. I talk to so many adults who had a traumatic or really emotional adolescence. Think back to being an adolescent and that moment of recognizing being connected to something bigger than ourselves. This is both really inviting and also pretty terrifying because it means leaving something behind. Adolescence is marked with a kind of grief of separating from family and yet wanting to separate. It isn’t as dramatic as people or movies sometimes make it out to be, but there is a separation that happens and a yearning for something bigger. I always reminded parents that this experience is really normal and healthy. Our job is to hold space for it to happen. 


Also, watching someone going through their adolescence brings up a lot for parents, including our own feelings or insecurities. So the invitation is to do your own work. There is a healing process to go through–either by yourself or with partners, friends, or whomever you have in your adult community–that can allow you to be really present for the young people in your life. 

There is also value in meeting it all with humor. That doesn’t mean laughing at our adolescents, but rather being able to recognize that you don’t have to get on the roller coaster with them. You can respond, acknowledge, and listen well. This means asking curiosity questions and pulling away from the need to fix it for them, which is hard because we don’t want them to be in pain. We love them so much. We long for them to be safe and whole. Yet we need to hold a space for curiosity. 


My own adolescent is leaving their adolescence at the age of 18. They have been a beautiful reminder that can I be in the presence of someone else’s growth and that I don’t have to do anything about it. I can witness it and support it. Supporting that growth is the gift I can give.


How can we, as caregivers, support our adolescents while also giving them the space they need? Do we hold space or give space?


I think it is both. So many parents talk about how their adolescents just want to be in their rooms. Parents of one of my students told me how they were going to be away and realized their adolescent was old enough to be home alone. The parents checked in and found out their child was so excited about having the day to themselves. Their adolescent had a day of feeling respected and trusted. They had that space. 


We can also hold space because when our adolescents do emerge, they often want cuddles and tenderness. Often we can be surprised by that need. But we can just be really present with and accept what they need right now. It might be something very different in the next moment! So just hold it now. It is precious. These moments are like building blocks for the emergence of their adult self.


With this awareness of how teens are building their adult selves, what is your take on how important electronics and social media are for our adolescents? How do we stay aware and sensitive to teens’ need to connect through social media platforms while also being aware of the challenges of social media channels?

 

A lot of younger adolescents have grown up in this [high-tech] world and there is a learning curve for adults and parents. I think about how to stay interested in what adolescents are interested in. What are they listening to? What are they watching? In some ways, it’s about getting ahead of it all. For example, so many songs are sampled, so I often go back and ask if they know who wrote the original song. 


With social media, it’s so tricky. I talk with parents about this all the time. I think a lot of it is about really being honest about who social media was designed for and the repercussions of it for adults and young people. We can help our adolescents examine the content they look at and help them build a critical lens. Building critical awareness and visual acuity about who is being represented leads to great conversations about equity, race, and gender roles and appeals to an adolescent's desire for justice and personal dignity. We can engage in conversations about what they are getting out of the content and what it says to other people. 


This process isn’t about changing their minds. That’s not really the point. The point is that we are teaching our adolescents to be critical thinkers about what they are consuming and why they are consuming it. We can ask, how does it make you feel? We can explore other moments when they felt that way and how to amplify those moments as well. Do you feel connected? Great! Are there other experiences or activities that make you feel just as connected? It is about teaching discernment, critical analysis on multiple levels, and visual acuity. 


In some ways, it is also about rooting back to the values you hold as a family and maybe even helping your adolescent to develop their own personal values. This can be hard, especially if our adolescent’s values start to become different from our family’s values. 


How do you approach these kinds of difficult conversations with adolescents in a way that is respectful of adolescents’ emerging adulthood?


It goes back to what I said earlier: you have to do your own work. Difficult conversations can be tricky even when we are communicating adult to adult. When confronted with difficulty or tension, what do we do? I have been practicing stepping toward the conflict or conversation, not with an “I’m going to win” approach, but rather with curiosity. I can explore what is going on for me in that difficult moment. When I am shutting down, how can I turn toward that experience with curiosity? What is getting activated in me when my adolescent says something triggering? 


We can respond by asking questions: What does this mean to you? What do you mean by that? For example, there are many young folks who are pushing the rigid boundaries of gender and trying on new pronouns. This is both identity formation and also discarding, putting on, and taking off. We can just ask questions and then not get too precious about the answers. If we can tell they are trying something on, we can explore how to be less attached to their process of experimentation. For me, it is always about coming from a place of curiosity and entering from a place of wonder. This is different than getting stuck in a place of thinking that what our adolescent does or says means I have failed as a parent. 


We want what is best for our children and want them to be successful. Sometimes that means looking at what we think success is. What does the world need from our adolescents? What is the world asking of them? These two things can be really different. So that means looking at the reality that young people are met with and then being willing to be open. 


I have students who range from having no phones to having TikTok accounts and starting YouTube channels so they can be YouTube stars. As their teacher, I can feel myself getting precious about it and wanting them to be something like an inventor of healing technology! But really, social media can be fun and silly. So I ask questions about it. Which ones do you like? What do you like about them? Oh, that little sample of a song came from a whole song. We could listen to the whole song together! 


My kid loves memes, which can be so snarky. But there is something really cool about memes and the way they have distilled culture and humor. I think about how there is something clever here. I see the process as my kid understanding their own humor better and being able to critique society in a way that is pithy and ridiculous.


Both as a parent and a teacher, I’ve tried to step into adolescents’ world. I often say, “I love that for you.” I don’t have to like it, but I can start to get why they like it. 


Sometimes adolescence hits and it takes everybody by surprise. With that in mind, do you have any recommendations for entry points or resources for families and caregivers?


There is so much written about adolescent brain development, which has been helpful. The work of Sarah-Jayne Blakemore is really powerful. She has a great TED talk and short articles, as well as her book, Inventing Ourselves: The Secret Life of the Teenage Brain.


Britt Hawthorne’s book, Raising Antiracist Children: A Practical Parenting Guide, is really, really great and she posts nice videos that are short and to the point.


I do think there is something valuable to articles that Montessori adolescent practitioners have published through the years. They are really powerful tools. I will often choose one or two to send to my families during the school year. It’s about rooting back to who these young people really are. This helps me to remember where they are and what they need. Then I can reflect more accurately on who I need to be for them. 


I think being outside and doing projects is important. Resources for this can range from engaging with local and national parks or restoration projects–things that inspire them to connect with the land– to going to farmers' markets. Adolescents need things that make them feel a little adult and also are opportunities for them to be independent. 


There is something really great about connecting adolescents to support groups if they need that. For example, where I live we have a transgender resource center that is gender-affirming. There are also resources like GLSEN [Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network] and GSAs [Genders & Sexualities Alliances], depending on what kids need. I also think therapy is great for adolescents! Especially when you can find people who are good at working with adolescents. It can be nice to have another person to talk to who isn’t your family. 


Any other last thoughts?


Adolescence brings up a lot for the adults who are offering love and care. But it is a magical time to witness. It’s really fun to watch. There is a tenderness of exploring what the end of something means and how young people are beginning something that they don’t have any clue of how to begin. It is such a liminal space. As adults, we are very much in our thinking brains and can’t really imagine hanging out in a liminal space. However, think about being in the presence of something that is yet to be! That is the invitation that Montessori gives.


Adolescence is a very internal time. Sometimes adolescents externalize their experience, but often it is very internal. We realize that there is so much happening. Accept the invitation of being curious, playful, and joyful with our young people. Enjoy it and remember what a gift it is to be witness to this process. 

Subscribe to our Blog

You might also like

Unifying Words and Their Meanings: The Quiet Genius of Montessori Vocabulary Lessons

By Danielle Giordano • April 6, 2026
Have you ever watched a Montessori teacher give a lesson and thought, "That seemed...very short!”? If so, you may have witnessed a three-period lesson. What looks almost effortlessly simple is actually one of the most carefully designed teaching techniques. The three-period lesson is the primary way we introduce new vocabulary to young children. We use it constantly for phonetic sounds, geometric shapes, textures, quantities, names of parts of a flower, names of continents, and so much more. Virtually every time children learn a precise new word for something they're experiencing with their senses, we are using a version of this lesson. Why Vocabulary Needs Its Own Method Young children are in what Dr. Montessori called a sensitive period for language. This is a window of time when children’s minds are especially primed to absorb new words and refine their understanding of them. It’s important to keep in mind, though, that absorbing a word isn't the same as truly knowing it. Children might hear the word "rough" many times without ever firmly connecting that sound to what their fingers actually feel on a piece of sandpaper. The three-period lesson closes the understanding gap. It's built on an insight Dr. Maria Montessori borrowed from educator Édouard Séguin. Learning a word happens in stages: first association, then recognition, then recall. Moving through those stages deliberately, with no extra words or distractions to clutter the lesson, gives children's minds the clearest possible path to making a lasting connection. “Both object and name should strike the child's understanding at the same time — but only the name itself, and not some other word, should be pronounced.” — Dr. Maria Montessori, The Discovery of the Child The Simplicity of the Three Stages Here's how the three-period lesson unfolds. We’ll use a classic example of teaching the words "rough" and "smooth" with our sensorial textured boards. 1. ASSOCIATION — "This is..." The adult presents the object and names it clearly, with no extra words. The child repeats the word while experiencing the sensation. "This is rough." The child runs their fingers across the surface and repeats: "Rough." 2. RECOGNITION — "Show me..." After a brief pause, the adult asks the child to identify the object by name. The child simply points or touches, and thus no verbal answer is needed. "Which is smooth? Which is rough?" The child points to each in turn. 3. RECALL — "What is this?" The adult points to an object, and the child produces the name themselves, demonstrating that the word is now truly theirs. "What is this?" The child touches the surface and answers: "Rough." The whole lesson might take only two or three minutes, and this brevity is part of what makes it work. A child's attention is fully focused on precise vocabulary acquisition. What Happens When a Child Gets It Wrong One of the most quietly radical aspects of the three-period lesson is what happens when a child gets it wrong. If a child points to the wrong texture in the second stage, the adult doesn't correct. We don’t say, "no, try again.” Instead, we just end the activity gently, with the understanding that we will try the lesson again another day. Dr. Montessori was clear about this approach. A correction at that moment doesn't help a child learn the word. In fact, a correction only reinforces the feeling of having failed. So we simply close the lesson. The child carries no impression of having gotten something wrong, and when we revisit the lesson, the child comes to it fresh. As Dr. Montessori wrote, an error in the second period is simply a sign that the child "was not at that instant ready for the psychic association.” Nothing is wrong with the child. The teaching hasn’t failed. It just wasn’t the right moment. After the Lesson: When Words Come Alive One of the loveliest things to observe after a successful three-period lesson is what children do next. A child who has just learned the words "rough" and "smooth" will often wander the classroom touching things: the edge of a wooden shelf, a piece of fabric, the surface of a stone, and quietly naming the texture to themselves. The words become tools for understanding the world, and they want to use them everywhere. This spontaneous generalization is exactly what the lesson is designed to spark. The goal is never for children to recite vocabulary on command. Rather, we want to give them language that deepens and sharpens their experience of everything around them. Trying It at Home You don't need Montessori materials to use this approach. Any time you want to help a young child connect a precise word to something they're experiencing (the names of spices by smell, the names of fabrics by touch, the names of tools in the garden), the same three-step structure applies. Name it clearly. Ask them to show you. Ask them to tell you. Keep it brief, keep it joyful, and if they get stuck, simply set it aside and try again tomorrow. The lesson works because it respects how young minds learn. New connections need space, simplicity, and the freedom to form without pressure. To see this vocabulary tool in action, schedule a visit here in [Your Location]

Our Montessori Bookshelf: Water Connects Us

By Danielle Giordano • March 30, 2026
Rivers are so important to our human story. They are sources of nourishment, transportation, and connection. We see how children are naturally drawn to water, and rivers offer a powerful way to understand ecology, interdependence, and our place within the natural world. With this in mind, we want to share some of our favorite books about water, rivers, and watersheds. Through story and illustration, children can trace the journey of a single drop of water, observe how land and water shape one another, and begin to understand how human choices affect the health of our planet. We’ve grouped the following collection of river and water-focused books by developmental stage. Each title offers language, beauty, and meaningful context for deeper exploration. Whether you are reading with a toddler, a younger elementary child, or an emerging researcher, these books invite wonder, responsibility, and reverence for one of Earth’s most essential elements. For the Youngest Hey, Water! By Antoinette Portis This picture book takes us on a journey of how water is part of our lives in so many ways: from sprinkler spray to a teardrop trickling. The clean-lined illustrations transition between bird’s-eye views and close-up images. This is a great transition book for toddlers moving from pages with one word labeling a picture to a narrative that connects to daily experience. A Place for Rain By Michelle Schaub, Illustrated by Blanca Gómez A lovely introduction to the concept of rain gardens, this picture book follows a simple story of children witnessing how rain runoff can be transformed from being problematic into something stunning and special for everyone. The sweet, slightly geometric illustrations highlight how even simple actions can have a big impact. Water Is Water By Miranda Paul, Illustrated by Jason Chin Although a picture book about the changing states of water, the lyrical text and charming illustrations make this a delightful and fun-filled page-turner! It’s a great way to introduce young children to the water cycle and the importance of water in our lives. Water Cycle: For Younger Elementary Drop: An Adventure through the Water Cycle By Emily Kate Moon Bridging between comic style and traditional picture book, the story follows the character, Drop, as she travels through the water cycle. Delightful and engaging, this is a great book for younger elementary children and can serve as an easy-to-access resource for understanding the states of water. A Drop Around the World By Barbara Shaw McKinney, Illustrated by Michael S. Maydak Written in rhyming verse, this story follows Drop from a cloud near Maine around the world and back to Cape Cod Bay. A map inside the cover shows the journey, and emoji-style images accompany the text, linking to more detailed descriptions of the amazing science at each step along Drop’s path. Watersheds If the Rivers Run Free By Andrea Debunk, Illustrated by Nicole Wong This captivating picture book takes readers through the human story of rivers’ importance in our lives, the mistakes we’ve made, and how we can make things right and help rivers run free again. The rhythm of the text is accentuated by moments of human realization, with bold statements that step out of the rhyming pattern and gently jar us into a sense of action. The illustrations take readers on a journey, too! One Well: The Story of Water on Earth By Rochelle Strauss, Illustrated by Rosemary Woods Through its clear text and lush illustrations, One Well emphasizes the interconnectedness of water on our planet. It offers an array of interesting information that will appeal to children in elementary years, both through narrative text and short snippets overlaid on the images that fill each page. The fact that this picture book has an index is an indicator of how just how much its 32 pages contains! River Story By Meredith Hooper, Illustrated by Bee Willey Rich in realistic content yet engaging and accessible, this lushly illustrated picture book takes readers on a journey from the source of the river to where it empties into the sea. Watersheds: A Practical Handbook for Healthy Water By Gregor Gilpin Beck, Illustrations by Clive Dobson Best for older readers, this book offers helpful and non-technical information about watershed concepts and environmental concerns. This is an excellent resource for older elementary or younger adolescents engaged in ecology research. The illustrations are beautiful, too! We’d love to hear what you think about these books! You can also download a printable list for the next time you visit your local bookstore or library! Also, feel free to schedule a visit here in [Your Town/Location] to learn more about how the story of water flows through children’s lives!

How Montessori Makes Long Division Make Sense

By Danielle Giordano • March 23, 2026
For many of us, we remember learning long division as a confusing sequence of steps to memorize and repeat (bring down, divide, multiply, subtract), often without a real sense of why it works. In Montessori classrooms, long division unfolds very differently. Through the Racks and Tubes material, children get to experience what division actually is. Two Ways to Divide: Sharing and Grouping Before introducing the material, we first clarify an important idea: there are two different kinds of division problems in real life. One asks, “If I share this equally, how much does each person get?” This is partitive division, or division by sharing. The other asks, “If I make groups of a certain size, how many groups can I make?” This is measurement division, or division by grouping. The Racks and Tubes material focuses on partitive division. Children physically share quantities equally and discover what one share receives. Materials like the Stamp Game emphasize division of measurement. Together, these approaches give children a complete understanding of division and help them choose the strategy that best fits a given problem. What Are Racks and Tubes? At first glance, the material is impressive and a little mysterious. Children are often drawn to the material, both for its beauty and its seeming complexity. Racks hold test tubes filled with beads, carefully color-coded by place value: units, tens, hundreds, thousands, all the way up to millions. Matching cups hold the dividend (the number being divided). Boards and skittles represent the divisor (the number doing the dividing). Every detail of the material reinforces place value. Each time children need to make an exchange, they trade in one bead of one category for ten of the next category (e.g. one hundred becomes ten 10’s). This process is visible and incredibly concrete. This material takes intentional focus. It takes time. And it makes the steps of long division clear. How Long Division Becomes Concrete When children solve a division problem with Racks and Tubes, they follow a logical, embodied process: They build the dividend using the racks and cups. They represent the divisor with individual figures on boards. They share beads one at a time, equally, to each part of the divisor. They stop when sharing is no longer possible and then see what remains from that category. They then bring down the next category of beads to continue the sharing process. Each step answers a real question: What does one unit get? What happens when we run out? What do we do with what’s left? Instead of being told “bring down the next digit,” children literally bring down the next category of beads. When exchanges are needed, they perform them physically by trading beads. Remainders are not mysterious leftovers. They are beads still sitting in the cup. Long division becomes a story children can follow. From Material to Abstraction One of the most beautiful aspects of this work is how naturally it leads into abstraction. At first, children record only the quotient. Later, they begin recording intermediate remainders. Eventually, they discover that multiplying the quotient by the divisor tells them how much has been used at each step. This is the very heart of the traditional algorithm. We don’t give abstract shortcuts. Instead we help children discover the pattern. This allows them to own the process. By the time children are working abstractly on paper, the algorithm already makes sense. It matches what their hands have done again and again. Why This Matters The Racks and Tubes material does more than teach division. It teaches: Deep place value understanding Logical sequencing Patience and precision Trust in one’s own reasoning Most importantly, it gives children confidence. Division is no longer something done to them. Instead, they can think through the process, step by step, with meaning and understanding. In Montessori, math is not about getting the answer quickly. It’s about building an understanding of why the process and answer makes sense. And with Racks and Tubes, long division finally does! Schedule a visit to our classrooms in Old Saybrook, CT to see for yourself!
More Posts