Supporting Independent Sleep

Alicia Nunzianto • August 14, 2023

In Montessori, we talk a lot about independence because we want to help children in their process of becoming capable young people! For our youngest children, this means supporting them in mastery of basic functions such as eating, toileting, and sleeping. Supporting independent skills in these three areas is pretty significant because these are parts of life where children ultimately have complete control over what does or doesn’t happen. So it makes sense for us to avoid setting up obstacles in these areas and instead help children develop skills that will build up their confidence. 


Our Language Matters

The language we use is indicative of our goals. For example, when children are learning to use the toilet, we make sure our language reflects that process. We aren’t “training” children like we might train a pet. We are helping them learn life skills so they can be well-functioning humans who understand cultural norms. In fact, we even call what we do “toilet learning” because children are learning how to take care of their bodily needs by using the toilet. 


Similarly, when thinking about children and their sleep, we are not “sleep training” like we might crate train a new puppy. Rather, we are supporting children’s natural process of learning how to settle themselves, self-soothe, and eventually fall asleep independently.


Importance of Sleep

With more and more research about the role sleep plays in brain development, growth, and learning, we have a responsibility to educate ourselves about how best to promote healthy sleep hygiene. A 2007 study states “that the most fundamental requirements for healthy growth and development in young children include a) loving support and protection by parents/caretakers, b) adequate nutrition, and c) adequate sleep.” A 2020 review of sleep and early brain development details how “sleep plays a critical role in learning and memory, emotional regulation, and related brain structure development.” Establishing healthy sleep practices in the early years is critical for our children’s development. So how can we best do this?


Focus on Four Factors

In order to help our children have trust in us and strengthen a secure attachment, we need to provide safe boundaries. This includes helping them learn what is acceptable and what isn’t in regard to sleep. Just like we hold boundaries for dental hygiene, we can uphold healthy sleep habits, too!


To promote healthy sleep hygiene, we can focus on four factors: 


  • establishing an environment that is conducive to sleep, 
  • maintaining regular routines, 
  • providing suitable associations for the onset of sleep, and 
  • upholding limits while making adjustments throughout childhood.


Sleep Environment

To create a place that is conducive to sleep, it can be helpful to think about our own sleep needs. Are we more likely to fall asleep in a bright, noisy, active environment, or in one that is dark, quiet, and calm? The same applies to our children. A comfortable sleep environment should be dark because sleep hormones are triggered by darkness. Plus, natural and blue-based artificial light stimulates alertness. Black-out blinds or curtains (as well as aluminum foil over the windows in a pinch) help immensely. The designated sleep space, whether a bedroom or other area, should also be calm, quiet, and free of distractions like toys or other interest-provoking items. Finally, it’s best if the room temperature is slightly cooler.


Regular Routines

Our children depend upon us to establish healthy and consistent routines, including times for rest. When children stay up past their nap or bedtime, they can enter into an overtired zone. At this point, they experience a stress response, which leads to the release of adrenaline and cortisol. This influx of chemicals causes a “second wind” and children can become even more energized and awake, despite their intense need for sleep. 


To avoid this vicious cycle, it’s important to learn our children’s sleep window, which is the time it is easiest for the brain to switch to sleep. Children actually give us cues as to when they are in a window for sleep. They might begin to have some difficulty listening, lose focus, or become a little more irritable. Some children may rub their eyes, go for a comfort object, or seek contact with a caregiver. 


Every child is a little different, but when they start to indicate they are in a sleep window, it is time to wrap up the routine. The process should be very simple, for example, pajamas, toileting, teeth, one story, a hug, and a kiss. It’s better for extensive reading and a long bath to happen before the sleep window because these activities can very easily push children past the window of opportunity and lead to them entering the overtired zone. A predictable, simple pre-sleep routine allows children to unwind and feel secure in knowing that sleep is happening next.


Sleep Onset Associations

When children fall asleep, they form associations with the conditions that are present at the time when they actually drift off. So if we rock our children, read to them, or even snuggle in their bed next to them until they fall asleep, our children learn that they need that condition to be present in order to fall asleep. This also means that as children awake slightly during normal sleep cycles, they look for the same conditions they had when they first fell asleep. If children can’t recreate those on their own, they become dependent upon adult intervention, which can then can lead to more frequent night wakings. 


Thus we need our children to go to bed when they are drowsy but still awake, so they can develop appropriate sleep onset associations. We can sing a song, read a book, or rub their back. However, we need to end any of these activities before our children actually fall asleep. We need to leave them while they are heavy-eyed but not yet asleep! Transition objects can help children, too. Some might like a special blanket, doll, or stuffed animal, which they can use to self-soothe as they drift off to sleep.


Limits & Adjustments

Sleep patterns change throughout early childhood and beyond. So while children need us to be consistent, they also need us to understand developmental changes. It can help to use resources like the Sleep Foundation to check on recommended hours of sleep for different developmental stages.


As children get older, they also get more sophisticated in trying to prolong the bedtime routine or keep us engaged when actually we should be stepping out of the process to allow them to fall asleep on their own. Work collaboratively with your child to establish or reestablish the routine (and the limits). Write down the routine and revisit it before bedtime. Stay calm and consistent. 


Children are hard-wired to test the boundaries and are just checking to make sure we are going to stay true to the agreement. If you feel like you are going to break down and not be able to uphold the agreement, find someone who can be your backup or reinforcement. If you are doing bedtime alone, find a friend who you can text or call and who will remind you about staying true to what was established. 


Above all, make sure you are taking care of yourself! If you are sleep-deprived it is much harder to hold limits or think clearly about the long-term goal of helping children become independent and capable young humans. If you ever want to talk or need support, we are happy to help. We love to share resources and support families!



Subscribe to our Blog

You might also like

By Danielle Giordano May 18, 2026
Montessori education has been in existence for over a century, but does it actually work? Dr. Angeline Stoll Lillard spent years researching this question, and her book, Montessori: The Science Behind the Genius, is a must-read. In her book, Dr. Lillard identifies eight principles at the heart of Montessori education. What’s key is that these Montessori principles align with what developmental science tells us about how humans actually learn. The remarkable thing is that Dr. Maria Montessori arrived at most of these insights through careful observation of children, decades before the research existed to corroborate how children learn. In this two-part blog post, we’ll examine these eight principles and the connected research. PRINCIPLE ONE: Movement and Learning Are Deeply Entwined In most traditional classrooms, children are still expected to sit still, as if stillness is a prerequisite for learning. In Montessori, we understand how movement and thinking are intertwined. And research backs this up. Studies have found that physical activity improves cognition, judgment, memory, and social reasoning. Moving the body isn't a break from learning. Rather, the movement is often the learning (and this is even more so for younger children!). Montessori materials are designed to be touched, carried, sorted, and manipulated. Children working with the knobbed cylinder blocks are actively perceiving, making judgments, and reasoning through their hands. The same is true when children sort fabric squares by texture, shake and compare sound cylinders, or lay out bead bars to represent quantities. Every material helps children integrate their minds and bodies. Practical life activities take this even further. When children learn to pour, button, fold, or prepare food, they are engaging in organized sequences of purposeful action that develop concentration and executive function skills. What the Research Shows A Milwaukee study found that high school students who had previously attended Montessori programs significantly outperformed peers on math and science assessments, subjects that rely heavily on the kind of reasoning that, in Montessori, is first built through hands-on materials. PRINCIPLE TWO: Choice Improves Both Learning and Well-Being The freedom to choose is at the heart of Montessori education, but this isn’t just about enjoyment. Having choice measurably affects how well children learn and how they feel about themselves. In a striking series of studies, children aged seven to nine were given anagram puzzles to solve. Those who chose their own category of puzzle solved twice as many as children whose category had been chosen for them, even though the actual puzzles were identical. Those who had a choice also spent far more time voluntarily working on puzzles during free time. The key finding is that the perception of control (even in small things) activates a fundamentally different relationship to the work. Children who feel in control tend to engage more deeply, persist longer, and take more ownership of their learning. In a Montessori classroom, children choose their own work throughout the day. Importantly, Dr. Lillard notes that this freedom is always paired with responsibility, and that too many choices can be as demotivating as none. The Montessori environment offers meaningful, bounded choice. Rather than an overwhelming array, each classroom has a selection of purposeful materials designed to match children’s developmental readiness. Choice and concentration are closely connected, too. When children choose work that genuinely engages them, they're far more likely to reach a deep state of focus, or what psychologists call a “flow state.” PRINCIPLE THREE: Children Learn Best When They're Genuinely Interested This sounds obvious, of course! It makes sense that we learn better when we are interested. However, think about this in terms of how classrooms are typically structured. If interest is one of the most powerful drivers of learning, then organizing a school day around a single curriculum delivered to the whole class at once works against almost every child in the room. Dr. Montessori understood children's interests as biological signals pointing toward what their developing minds most need to engage with at that moment in their lives. These windows of opportunity, or "sensitive periods,” are particular stretches of development during which children are uniquely primed to absorb certain kinds of learning. During these windows, learning that matches the child's inner readiness can be extraordinarily effortless and lasting. The role of interest is why Montessori materials are designed to be beautiful, engaging, and self-correcting. The sensorial materials, for example, aren't only teaching discrimination of size or color. They are designed to help children become more interested in noticing the world around them. The adult’s role is to observe carefully and offer new lessons at the moment a child's interest is most alive. PRINCIPLE FOUR: Rewards Undermine the Motivation They're Meant to Build Offering children external rewards (e.g., stickers, prizes, praise for being smart) for activities they already enjoy reliably reduces their intrinsic motivation to do those things later. What the Research Shows Researchers identified preschoolers who loved drawing with markers. They then told one group they would receive a "Good Player Award" for drawing (a fancy certificate with a gold star). Weeks later, the children who had expected the reward used the markers far less than they had before, and half as much as children who had never been offered a reward at all. Expecting a reward had turned something they loved into something they did for a prize. And when the prize was gone, so was much of the pleasure. Rewards like sticker charts, gold stars, and even grades and honor rolls, shift children’s relationship to learning from "I do this because it interests me" to "I do this to get the reward." When the reward is taken away, children’s inner drive has often already weakened. In Montessori classrooms, feedback comes through the work itself, which includes many self-correcting materials, so children discover their own errors without external judgment. The goal is to keep children's relationship to learning intrinsic, personal, and durable. This doesn't mean feedback is absent, though! What matters is the kind of feedback. Research by psychologist Carol Dweck found that praising children for effort (e.g., "you worked really hard on that”) produces dramatically better outcomes than praising ability (e.g., “you’re so smart”). Children praised for effort choose harder challenges, persist longer after failure, and actually improve their performance over time. Children praised for their intelligence begin avoiding challenges, fearing that failure will expose them as not as smart as they were told they were. In our following blog post, we’ll look at the next four Montessori principles outlined in Dr. Angeline Stoll Lillard’s book, Montessori: The Science Behind the Genius: Children Learn Powerfully from Each Other Meaningful Context Makes Learning Richer and More Lasting How Adults Interact with Children Shapes Everything Order in the Environment Supports Order in the Mind In the meantime, schedule a tour here in Old Saybrook, CT to see the principles in action! And let us know if you would like to borrow a copy of Montessori: The Science Behind the Genius by Dr. Angeline Stoll Lillard. It is one of the most research-based books on Montessori education, and we recommend it to anyone who wants to understand the deeper logic of Montessori!
By Danielle Giordano May 18, 2026
In Part One of this series, we began exploring the eight Montessori principles that Dr. Angeline Stoll Lillard examines in her landmark book, Montessori: The Science Behind the Genius. As we saw, what makes these principles so compelling is that Dr. Maria Montessori's intuitions about children were a precursor to what decades of developmental science have since confirmed about how humans actually learn. In this second and final installment, we pick up where we left off, examining the remaining principles and the research that brings them to life. Whether you're a parent, an educator, or simply someone curious about what effective learning really looks like, these insights offer a fascinating window into the remarkable alignment between one woman's careful observations over a century ago and the science we have today. If you haven’t already, be sure to check out the previous four principles: Movement and Learning Are Deeply Entwined Choice Improves Both Learning and Well-Being Children Learn Best When They're Genuinely Interested Rewards Undermine the Motivation They're Meant to Build PRINCIPLE FIVE: Children Learn Powerfully from Each Other When you walk into a Montessori classroom, you’ll notice that children are almost always working near or directly with other children. Peer learning is one of the most effective forms of learning, and Montessori classrooms are deliberately structured to make it a constant. Much of this learning happens through observation. When a child watches a slightly older classmate work through challenging material, they're absorbing the technique and the possibility. They begin to see what they can do! Peer observation often drives a spontaneous "explosion" of writing or number awareness, spreading through a class (e.g., one child suddenly writing everywhere, then several more following). The mixed-age grouping in Montessori classrooms amplifies this. Younger children always have a visible horizon of what's coming next. Older children consolidate their own understanding by helping younger ones (which is one of the most effective learning strategies known). And the large, stable class community means children have time to build genuine relationships and observe one another across many contexts over several years. PRINCIPLE SIX: Meaningful Context Makes Learning Richer and More Lasting Children remember far more when what they're learning is connected to something real and purposeful. What the Research Shows In one study, three-year-olds were asked to memorize lists of items. When the lists were presented as shopping lists for a pretend store, the children remembered twice as many items as those who were simply told to memorize a list. Montessori education is built on this principle. Practical life activities such as cooking, cleaning, caring for plants and animals teach children that the skills they are learning connect to the real world. The Montessori curriculum is deliberately integrated. Vocabulary develops alongside sensorial exploration. Math concepts are entwined with concrete materials that make abstract ideas visible. Knowledge in one area consistently links to knowledge in others. This is why Montessori materials are not isolated exercises but part of a spiral curriculum that returns to the same ideas with greater depth and complexity as children grow. PRINCIPLE SEVEN: How Adults Interact with Children Shapes Everything The way an adult responds to a child's efforts has effects that ripple far beyond the moment. What the Research Shows Carol Dweck's research, now widely cited, demonstrated that a single sentence of feedback can set children on divergent trajectories. Children told "you must be smart" after succeeding at a problem later chose easier tasks, enjoyed them less, and performed worse after encountering difficulty. Children told "you must have worked hard" sought harder challenges, recovered from failure more readily, and improved their performance over time. The difference is in the delivery of one sentence! The implications are profound for how we talk to children about both their successes and their struggles. In a Montessori classroom, the adult’s role is carefully defined: to observe, to connect children to materials at the right moment, to step back when a child is productively engaged, and to step in only when something is genuinely unproductive or unsafe. This requires a great deal of precision and restraint. An adult who constantly intervenes, corrects, and directs trains children to look outward for approval. An adult who observes and offers at the right moment helps children learn to look inward. Consistency and long-term relationships also matter. The multi-age grouping in Montessori means that children spend multiple years with the same adults, building the kind of attachment and trust that research consistently links to stronger learning outcomes and healthier social-emotional development. PRINCIPLE EIGHT: Order in the Environment Supports Order in the Mind The Montessori classroom's distinctive aesthetic reflects a deep understanding of how the environment shapes cognition. What the Research Shows Research consistently shows that noise, clutter, and unpredictability are cognitively costly for children. When an environment is chaotic, children spend precious mental energy managing uncertainty rather than engaging in learning. Temporal order matters as much as spatial order. The three-hour uninterrupted work cycle (a hallmark of Montessori classrooms) gives children long enough stretches of focused time to move from initial engagement to deep concentration and, eventually, to the kind of absorbed flow that produces real intellectual development. Frequent interruptions (bells, transitions, whole-class pivots) train children to work in short bursts and to constantly reorient. The three-hour cycle allows children to go deep. Children in Montessori classrooms are also responsible for maintaining their environment by returning materials to their proper place, caring for plants and classroom spaces, and treating everything with consideration. This care builds the child's relationship to order as something they participate in creating rather than something imposed from the outside. Even noise levels matter in ways that go beyond comfort. What the Research Shows Research cited by Dr. Lillard found that across all ages, noise was one of the most consistently negative influences on cognitive development, partly because it interferes with the auditory discrimination that underpins both reading and vocabulary development. The quiet that characterizes a well-functioning Montessori classroom is the natural result of many children deeply absorbed in their own work. What makes Dr. Lillard’s work so valuable because it validates the Montessori method and gives the why behind practices that can otherwise seem puzzling from the outside. There are important reasons why Montessori teachers don't correct every error, why there are no gold stars, why the classroom is so quiet, and why children seem to do the same work over and over. This approach to education is deeply rooted in creating conditions in which children's natural drive to learn can develop as fully as possible! To learn more, visit our school here in Old Saybrook, CT. And let us know if you would like to borrow a copy of Montessori: The Science Behind the Genius by Dr. Angeline Stoll Lillard! It is one of the most research-grounded books available on Montessori education, and we highly recommend it for anyone who wants to understand the deeper logic of Montessori!
By Danielle Giordano May 18, 2026
Time is one of the most abstract concepts for a young child to understand. Yesterday, tomorrow, next week, last month. These words float through daily conversation long before a child has any concrete sense of what they actually mean. For young children, the passage of time isn't yet something they can feel or visualize. So how do we build an understanding of time? This is where Montessori timelines come in, and they do far more than most people realize. Making Time Tangible In a Montessori classroom, timelines aren't decorations on the wall. Children actually use the timelines. They handle timelines, construct the pieces, arrange items in sequence, and ultimately connect the vocabulary they've been hearing to something they can see and touch. Children who work with timelines begin to understand that Monday comes before Tuesday, and how days accumulate into weeks, weeks into months, and months into years. The concept of time becomes something children can hold in their hands, rather than simply a word a grown-up uses. Dr. Maria Montessori was clear about why this matters for young children. In The Absorbent Mind, she wrote that children at this age are "urged by the laws of their nature to find active experiences in the world about them" and that they take in knowledge through activity involving movement. The timeline is a perfect expression of this principle. Children don't passively receive information about history or time. They construct their understanding of it actively through their hands. A Gateway Into History As children grow more confident with the concept of time, timelines become a natural bridge into history itself and the kind of thinking history requires. How did human societies change over the centuries? How did life on Earth evolve over vast stretches of time? These are enormous, abstract questions, and yet Montessori children approach them with genuine curiosity and engagement, precisely because they've already been laying the groundwork through hands-on work with time. The timeline gives children a structure for imagining what they cannot directly see or experience. This support is significant. The ability to mentally reach beyond the present moment and picture the past or the future is one of the most distinctly human capacities we have. Montessori timelines help children develop and strengthen exactly this capacity, at precisely the age when it is beginning to emerge. The Balance Between Imagination and Reality Dr. Montessori wrote about the relationship between imagination and abstraction, and considered them as two powers of the mind that "go beyond the simple perception of things actually present." Both are essential. And crucially, both need to be developed together, grounded in each other, rather than in isolation. This balance of abstraction and structure is one of the gifts of the Montessori timeline. When a child works with a timeline, their imagination is anchored in sequence, in order, in fact. The structure of time provides the foundation from which their imagination can safely and richly expand. As Dr. Montessori put it, "the effort to cultivate imagination alone must lead to a lack of balance which becomes an obstacle to success in the practical things of life." In other words, wonder needs a scaffold. And the timeline provides one. Building Character Through Order As children are learning to place events in sequence, they are creating mental order that provides a sense of stability and confidence in understanding cause and effect across time. Dr. Montessori described this internal ordering as foundational to the development of personality itself. The experiences children have (and the work they do with their hands and minds) shape who they are becoming. This goes beyond just information. It’s about building the self! What This Looks Like in Practice In a Montessori classroom, a child might work with a simple personal timeline first to understand their own life in sequence, which can be tailored to different ages or learning styles. From there, they might explore timelines for the days of the week, the months of the year, or the stages of a butterfly's life. As they progress, the timelines expand dramatically to encompass the history of human civilization, the development of written language, and even the story of life on Earth itself, accommodating diverse developmental needs. Each experience builds on the last, deepening both historical understanding and children's capacity for abstract, imaginative thought. The timeline, although an excellent teaching tool, is so much more. It is a way of helping children understand their place in the great sweep of time, and in doing so, they are better able to understand themselves. We'd love to show you how timelines and other Montessori materials work in our classroom. Schedule a visit here in Old Saybrook, CT to see the work in action.
More Posts