Our Montessori Bookshelf: Cultivating Emotional Intelligence this Valentine’s Day

February 12, 2024

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner and it’s a great time to highlight social-emotional skills. A great place to start is empathy. Showing care and compassion is critical in relationship-building and forming strong connections. The cornerstones of empathy are being able to understand and appreciate others’ perspectives and having a shared emotional response.


Books are a tremendous tool for helping our young people develop social-emotional skills. One analogy for why this is the case is how books can be mirrors, windows, and sliding glass doors. When we see our lives reflected in the pages of a book, the book is like a mirror of our experience. When we view lives and stories that are different from our own, books are like windows that allow us to see new vistas. When we feel transported into the story and feel empathy for the characters, books become sliding glass doors that allow us to step into new worlds of understanding.


To celebrate the social-emotional opportunities this Valentine’s Day offers us, we are sharing some of our favorite books that cultivate emotional intelligence. We hope you can share them with your children and explore how they are like windows, mirrors, or sliding glass doors!


Anh’s Anger

By Gail Silver, Illustrated by Christiane Krömer


Big emotional reactions can be hard to understand. This story helps illustrate how anger is just one part of us. If we can give that part the attention it needs, we can take care of the feeling rather than letting it control us. This story also shows the power of adults staying calm and controlled in the face of big feelings. Illustrated with handmade collages, the images create a textured representation of Anh’s experience. Note: Due to having the anger characterized as an external monster, this book is most appropriate for children aged five and up.


A Book of Feelings: Starring Sam, Kate, and Fuzzy Bean

By Amanda McCardie, Illustrated by Salvatore Rubbino


This story starts with two children, their dog, the love in their family, and the emotion of feeling happy. Then through the ups and downs of changes, arguments, loss, and more, we travel through a variety of emotions that emerge in children’s lives. Although the text and images are simple, the content moves into the complexity of what we can feel in our lives. The author shares some helpful questions to explore at the end of the book and an index identifies which pages highlight the different emotions: angry, cross, embarrassed, frightened, grumpy, happy, hurt, jealous, loved, loving, nervous, sad, shy, and upset. This is a book that can be revisited many times as children grapple with different feelings. 


Because Brian Hugged His Mother

By David L. Rice, Illustrated by K. Dibble Thompson


With one act of kindness at the beginning of the day, Brian initiates a domino effect of good feelings and actions. Each act leads to different kinds of positivity which then leads to more kind actions! This is a great book to share to counteract when children get caught up in a cycle of negative feelings and actions. The best part is how all the goodness returns (like good karma!) to Brian at the end of the day. And because Brian goes to sleep feeling loved, he wakes up feeling great, which sets up the day to start with another lovely act of kindness!


Bravo Anjali!

By Sheetal Sheth, Illustrated by Lucia Soto


All too often girls are navigating how to balance doing something well with being liked. In this story, Anjali is shining in a traditionally male space, which brings taunts and disdain from her closest friend. Fortunately, an older girl reminds Anjali to never dim her light which helps Anjali stay true to her passion. In the process, she inspires a younger girl to see what is possible. This story is also an excellent one to share to help children understand what can be behind unkind behaviors and how it is possible to make amends after not-so-great choices. 


A Friend Like You

By Frank Murphy and Charnaie Gordon, Illustrated by Kayla Harren


This celebration of friendships highlights the multifaceted nature of connecting with people and how we gain so much in the process. If you have young people in your life who are discovering what it means to make friends and, perhaps even more importantly, what it means to be a friend, this is a must-read. The vivid, diverse, and inspiring illustrations bring this book to life and also offer a vision of what is possible in this world!


Jabari Jumps

By Gaia Cornwall


With sweetness and simplicity, this book follows a young boy’s excitement and nervousness about jumping off a diving board. With support from his dad, Jabari works through some helpful tools for managing his feelings. The reassurance that it is okay to feel a little scared (plus ideas for how to help that feeling shift into something positive) is helpful for our little ones (and even for us as adults!). 


Listening with my Heart: A Story of Kindness and Self-Compassion

By Gabi Garcia, Illustrated by Ying Hui Tan


So often children’s books focus on everything going right. Yet how we handle ourselves, including our self-talk, in the face of disappointments and mistakes is important for emotional regulation. This is a story of Esperanza’s day: from her excitement about her part in the play, to her awareness of spreading love and kindness, to her heartbreak when she feels like she’s ruined the play, to her realization that we also need to be loving and kind to ourselves. This story can be read again and again, during good days and days that stink. The resources at the end of the book are also incredibly valuable for helping our children develop self-compassion and positive self-talk. 


The Many Colors of Harpreet Singh

By Supriya Kelkar, Illustrated by Alea Marley


Change is hard for children. When Harpreet Singh’s family moves, he has to leave the place he knows. As a result, the colors he uses to express himself fade into a white, colorless, shy need to not be seen. However, one small connection to a classmate changes everything for Harpreet. This story is an excellent reminder of the power of friendship and the importance of small acts of connection. The author’s note at the end also provides a window into why Harpreet’s patka (a specific style of turban for young boys) represents important values of equality.


My Cold Plum Lemon Pie Bluesy Mood

By Tameka Fryer Brown, Illustrated by Shane W. Evans


Navigating the ups and downs of family life can bring up all sorts of feelings. The shifting colors of one boy’s mood come to life in the jazzy prose of this book: from a gloomy gray when brothers get pushy, to gentle green from a little sister’s smile, to racing red to get home before dark. Despite the challenges, everything comes full circle as the family comes together. A bonus to this book is that the author is a Montessori mom!


Ruby Finds a Worry

By Tom Percival


This is a helpful picture book for young children who are struggling with any kind of worry or anxiety. The concept of a “worry” is materialized as a little fuzzy blob that grows over time and becomes ever-present for Ruby as she goes about her days. And the more Ruby worries about her worry, the larger it grows. Finally, Ruby encounters a boy sitting alone with his own worry. As Ruby and the boy express and share their worries, they realize that their worries shrink to the point of non-existence! Note: Due to having the “worry” externalized in a fantasy-based way, this book is best for children aged five and up.


Sometimes I Feel Like a Mouse: A Book About Feelings

By Jeanne Modest, Illustrated by Robin Spowart


Simple and straightforward, this picture book demonstrates feelings through similes. The text is large and clear with the emotion words highlighted in colors that coordinate with the feelings. This is a great introductory book for our younger children and helps set the stage for identifying and naming how we feel at different times.


When Sophie Gets Angry–Really, Really Angry…

By Molly Bang


This Caldecott Honor Book is a must-have. Molly Bang uses color and image to show the shift into surprise, hurt, and then intense anger at the unfairness of an interaction with a sibling. A volcano ready to explode, Sophie slams the door and runs straight into nature. It is here that cool colors begin to ease and soothe. She finds a place of calm that allows her to reenter her home with love. 



We hope these books offer you and your children new ways to explore the many aspects of our emotional lives. You can click here to
download a printable booklist. We also invite you to schedule a tour to see how social-emotional learning is woven into the fabric of Montessori classrooms.


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By Danielle Giordano May 18, 2026
Montessori education has been in existence for over a century, but does it actually work? Dr. Angeline Stoll Lillard spent years researching this question, and her book, Montessori: The Science Behind the Genius, is a must-read. In her book, Dr. Lillard identifies eight principles at the heart of Montessori education. What’s key is that these Montessori principles align with what developmental science tells us about how humans actually learn. The remarkable thing is that Dr. Maria Montessori arrived at most of these insights through careful observation of children, decades before the research existed to corroborate how children learn. In this two-part blog post, we’ll examine these eight principles and the connected research. PRINCIPLE ONE: Movement and Learning Are Deeply Entwined In most traditional classrooms, children are still expected to sit still, as if stillness is a prerequisite for learning. In Montessori, we understand how movement and thinking are intertwined. And research backs this up. Studies have found that physical activity improves cognition, judgment, memory, and social reasoning. Moving the body isn't a break from learning. Rather, the movement is often the learning (and this is even more so for younger children!). Montessori materials are designed to be touched, carried, sorted, and manipulated. Children working with the knobbed cylinder blocks are actively perceiving, making judgments, and reasoning through their hands. The same is true when children sort fabric squares by texture, shake and compare sound cylinders, or lay out bead bars to represent quantities. Every material helps children integrate their minds and bodies. Practical life activities take this even further. When children learn to pour, button, fold, or prepare food, they are engaging in organized sequences of purposeful action that develop concentration and executive function skills. What the Research Shows A Milwaukee study found that high school students who had previously attended Montessori programs significantly outperformed peers on math and science assessments, subjects that rely heavily on the kind of reasoning that, in Montessori, is first built through hands-on materials. PRINCIPLE TWO: Choice Improves Both Learning and Well-Being The freedom to choose is at the heart of Montessori education, but this isn’t just about enjoyment. Having choice measurably affects how well children learn and how they feel about themselves. In a striking series of studies, children aged seven to nine were given anagram puzzles to solve. Those who chose their own category of puzzle solved twice as many as children whose category had been chosen for them, even though the actual puzzles were identical. Those who had a choice also spent far more time voluntarily working on puzzles during free time. The key finding is that the perception of control (even in small things) activates a fundamentally different relationship to the work. Children who feel in control tend to engage more deeply, persist longer, and take more ownership of their learning. In a Montessori classroom, children choose their own work throughout the day. Importantly, Dr. Lillard notes that this freedom is always paired with responsibility, and that too many choices can be as demotivating as none. The Montessori environment offers meaningful, bounded choice. Rather than an overwhelming array, each classroom has a selection of purposeful materials designed to match children’s developmental readiness. Choice and concentration are closely connected, too. When children choose work that genuinely engages them, they're far more likely to reach a deep state of focus, or what psychologists call a “flow state.” PRINCIPLE THREE: Children Learn Best When They're Genuinely Interested This sounds obvious, of course! It makes sense that we learn better when we are interested. However, think about this in terms of how classrooms are typically structured. If interest is one of the most powerful drivers of learning, then organizing a school day around a single curriculum delivered to the whole class at once works against almost every child in the room. Dr. Montessori understood children's interests as biological signals pointing toward what their developing minds most need to engage with at that moment in their lives. These windows of opportunity, or "sensitive periods,” are particular stretches of development during which children are uniquely primed to absorb certain kinds of learning. During these windows, learning that matches the child's inner readiness can be extraordinarily effortless and lasting. The role of interest is why Montessori materials are designed to be beautiful, engaging, and self-correcting. The sensorial materials, for example, aren't only teaching discrimination of size or color. They are designed to help children become more interested in noticing the world around them. The adult’s role is to observe carefully and offer new lessons at the moment a child's interest is most alive. PRINCIPLE FOUR: Rewards Undermine the Motivation They're Meant to Build Offering children external rewards (e.g., stickers, prizes, praise for being smart) for activities they already enjoy reliably reduces their intrinsic motivation to do those things later. What the Research Shows Researchers identified preschoolers who loved drawing with markers. They then told one group they would receive a "Good Player Award" for drawing (a fancy certificate with a gold star). Weeks later, the children who had expected the reward used the markers far less than they had before, and half as much as children who had never been offered a reward at all. Expecting a reward had turned something they loved into something they did for a prize. And when the prize was gone, so was much of the pleasure. Rewards like sticker charts, gold stars, and even grades and honor rolls, shift children’s relationship to learning from "I do this because it interests me" to "I do this to get the reward." When the reward is taken away, children’s inner drive has often already weakened. In Montessori classrooms, feedback comes through the work itself, which includes many self-correcting materials, so children discover their own errors without external judgment. The goal is to keep children's relationship to learning intrinsic, personal, and durable. This doesn't mean feedback is absent, though! What matters is the kind of feedback. Research by psychologist Carol Dweck found that praising children for effort (e.g., "you worked really hard on that”) produces dramatically better outcomes than praising ability (e.g., “you’re so smart”). Children praised for effort choose harder challenges, persist longer after failure, and actually improve their performance over time. Children praised for their intelligence begin avoiding challenges, fearing that failure will expose them as not as smart as they were told they were. In our following blog post, we’ll look at the next four Montessori principles outlined in Dr. Angeline Stoll Lillard’s book, Montessori: The Science Behind the Genius: Children Learn Powerfully from Each Other Meaningful Context Makes Learning Richer and More Lasting How Adults Interact with Children Shapes Everything Order in the Environment Supports Order in the Mind In the meantime, schedule a tour here in Old Saybrook, CT to see the principles in action! And let us know if you would like to borrow a copy of Montessori: The Science Behind the Genius by Dr. Angeline Stoll Lillard. It is one of the most research-based books on Montessori education, and we recommend it to anyone who wants to understand the deeper logic of Montessori!
By Danielle Giordano May 18, 2026
In Part One of this series, we began exploring the eight Montessori principles that Dr. Angeline Stoll Lillard examines in her landmark book, Montessori: The Science Behind the Genius. As we saw, what makes these principles so compelling is that Dr. Maria Montessori's intuitions about children were a precursor to what decades of developmental science have since confirmed about how humans actually learn. In this second and final installment, we pick up where we left off, examining the remaining principles and the research that brings them to life. Whether you're a parent, an educator, or simply someone curious about what effective learning really looks like, these insights offer a fascinating window into the remarkable alignment between one woman's careful observations over a century ago and the science we have today. If you haven’t already, be sure to check out the previous four principles: Movement and Learning Are Deeply Entwined Choice Improves Both Learning and Well-Being Children Learn Best When They're Genuinely Interested Rewards Undermine the Motivation They're Meant to Build PRINCIPLE FIVE: Children Learn Powerfully from Each Other When you walk into a Montessori classroom, you’ll notice that children are almost always working near or directly with other children. Peer learning is one of the most effective forms of learning, and Montessori classrooms are deliberately structured to make it a constant. Much of this learning happens through observation. When a child watches a slightly older classmate work through challenging material, they're absorbing the technique and the possibility. They begin to see what they can do! Peer observation often drives a spontaneous "explosion" of writing or number awareness, spreading through a class (e.g., one child suddenly writing everywhere, then several more following). The mixed-age grouping in Montessori classrooms amplifies this. Younger children always have a visible horizon of what's coming next. Older children consolidate their own understanding by helping younger ones (which is one of the most effective learning strategies known). And the large, stable class community means children have time to build genuine relationships and observe one another across many contexts over several years. PRINCIPLE SIX: Meaningful Context Makes Learning Richer and More Lasting Children remember far more when what they're learning is connected to something real and purposeful. What the Research Shows In one study, three-year-olds were asked to memorize lists of items. When the lists were presented as shopping lists for a pretend store, the children remembered twice as many items as those who were simply told to memorize a list. Montessori education is built on this principle. Practical life activities such as cooking, cleaning, caring for plants and animals teach children that the skills they are learning connect to the real world. The Montessori curriculum is deliberately integrated. Vocabulary develops alongside sensorial exploration. Math concepts are entwined with concrete materials that make abstract ideas visible. Knowledge in one area consistently links to knowledge in others. This is why Montessori materials are not isolated exercises but part of a spiral curriculum that returns to the same ideas with greater depth and complexity as children grow. PRINCIPLE SEVEN: How Adults Interact with Children Shapes Everything The way an adult responds to a child's efforts has effects that ripple far beyond the moment. What the Research Shows Carol Dweck's research, now widely cited, demonstrated that a single sentence of feedback can set children on divergent trajectories. Children told "you must be smart" after succeeding at a problem later chose easier tasks, enjoyed them less, and performed worse after encountering difficulty. Children told "you must have worked hard" sought harder challenges, recovered from failure more readily, and improved their performance over time. The difference is in the delivery of one sentence! The implications are profound for how we talk to children about both their successes and their struggles. In a Montessori classroom, the adult’s role is carefully defined: to observe, to connect children to materials at the right moment, to step back when a child is productively engaged, and to step in only when something is genuinely unproductive or unsafe. This requires a great deal of precision and restraint. An adult who constantly intervenes, corrects, and directs trains children to look outward for approval. An adult who observes and offers at the right moment helps children learn to look inward. Consistency and long-term relationships also matter. The multi-age grouping in Montessori means that children spend multiple years with the same adults, building the kind of attachment and trust that research consistently links to stronger learning outcomes and healthier social-emotional development. PRINCIPLE EIGHT: Order in the Environment Supports Order in the Mind The Montessori classroom's distinctive aesthetic reflects a deep understanding of how the environment shapes cognition. What the Research Shows Research consistently shows that noise, clutter, and unpredictability are cognitively costly for children. When an environment is chaotic, children spend precious mental energy managing uncertainty rather than engaging in learning. Temporal order matters as much as spatial order. The three-hour uninterrupted work cycle (a hallmark of Montessori classrooms) gives children long enough stretches of focused time to move from initial engagement to deep concentration and, eventually, to the kind of absorbed flow that produces real intellectual development. Frequent interruptions (bells, transitions, whole-class pivots) train children to work in short bursts and to constantly reorient. The three-hour cycle allows children to go deep. Children in Montessori classrooms are also responsible for maintaining their environment by returning materials to their proper place, caring for plants and classroom spaces, and treating everything with consideration. This care builds the child's relationship to order as something they participate in creating rather than something imposed from the outside. Even noise levels matter in ways that go beyond comfort. What the Research Shows Research cited by Dr. Lillard found that across all ages, noise was one of the most consistently negative influences on cognitive development, partly because it interferes with the auditory discrimination that underpins both reading and vocabulary development. The quiet that characterizes a well-functioning Montessori classroom is the natural result of many children deeply absorbed in their own work. What makes Dr. Lillard’s work so valuable because it validates the Montessori method and gives the why behind practices that can otherwise seem puzzling from the outside. There are important reasons why Montessori teachers don't correct every error, why there are no gold stars, why the classroom is so quiet, and why children seem to do the same work over and over. This approach to education is deeply rooted in creating conditions in which children's natural drive to learn can develop as fully as possible! To learn more, visit our school here in Old Saybrook, CT. And let us know if you would like to borrow a copy of Montessori: The Science Behind the Genius by Dr. Angeline Stoll Lillard! It is one of the most research-grounded books available on Montessori education, and we highly recommend it for anyone who wants to understand the deeper logic of Montessori!
By Danielle Giordano May 18, 2026
Time is one of the most abstract concepts for a young child to understand. Yesterday, tomorrow, next week, last month. These words float through daily conversation long before a child has any concrete sense of what they actually mean. For young children, the passage of time isn't yet something they can feel or visualize. So how do we build an understanding of time? This is where Montessori timelines come in, and they do far more than most people realize. Making Time Tangible In a Montessori classroom, timelines aren't decorations on the wall. Children actually use the timelines. They handle timelines, construct the pieces, arrange items in sequence, and ultimately connect the vocabulary they've been hearing to something they can see and touch. Children who work with timelines begin to understand that Monday comes before Tuesday, and how days accumulate into weeks, weeks into months, and months into years. The concept of time becomes something children can hold in their hands, rather than simply a word a grown-up uses. Dr. Maria Montessori was clear about why this matters for young children. In The Absorbent Mind, she wrote that children at this age are "urged by the laws of their nature to find active experiences in the world about them" and that they take in knowledge through activity involving movement. The timeline is a perfect expression of this principle. Children don't passively receive information about history or time. They construct their understanding of it actively through their hands. A Gateway Into History As children grow more confident with the concept of time, timelines become a natural bridge into history itself and the kind of thinking history requires. How did human societies change over the centuries? How did life on Earth evolve over vast stretches of time? These are enormous, abstract questions, and yet Montessori children approach them with genuine curiosity and engagement, precisely because they've already been laying the groundwork through hands-on work with time. The timeline gives children a structure for imagining what they cannot directly see or experience. This support is significant. The ability to mentally reach beyond the present moment and picture the past or the future is one of the most distinctly human capacities we have. Montessori timelines help children develop and strengthen exactly this capacity, at precisely the age when it is beginning to emerge. The Balance Between Imagination and Reality Dr. Montessori wrote about the relationship between imagination and abstraction, and considered them as two powers of the mind that "go beyond the simple perception of things actually present." Both are essential. And crucially, both need to be developed together, grounded in each other, rather than in isolation. This balance of abstraction and structure is one of the gifts of the Montessori timeline. When a child works with a timeline, their imagination is anchored in sequence, in order, in fact. The structure of time provides the foundation from which their imagination can safely and richly expand. As Dr. Montessori put it, "the effort to cultivate imagination alone must lead to a lack of balance which becomes an obstacle to success in the practical things of life." In other words, wonder needs a scaffold. And the timeline provides one. Building Character Through Order As children are learning to place events in sequence, they are creating mental order that provides a sense of stability and confidence in understanding cause and effect across time. Dr. Montessori described this internal ordering as foundational to the development of personality itself. The experiences children have (and the work they do with their hands and minds) shape who they are becoming. This goes beyond just information. It’s about building the self! What This Looks Like in Practice In a Montessori classroom, a child might work with a simple personal timeline first to understand their own life in sequence, which can be tailored to different ages or learning styles. From there, they might explore timelines for the days of the week, the months of the year, or the stages of a butterfly's life. As they progress, the timelines expand dramatically to encompass the history of human civilization, the development of written language, and even the story of life on Earth itself, accommodating diverse developmental needs. Each experience builds on the last, deepening both historical understanding and children's capacity for abstract, imaginative thought. The timeline, although an excellent teaching tool, is so much more. It is a way of helping children understand their place in the great sweep of time, and in doing so, they are better able to understand themselves. We'd love to show you how timelines and other Montessori materials work in our classroom. Schedule a visit here in Old Saybrook, CT to see the work in action.
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