Focused on Friends (or Frenemies!)

Tamara Sevigny • September 26, 2022

During their elementary years, it can seem like our children are only focused on friends (and frenemies!). We hear about what happened at recess or who they sat with at lunch. They come home with elaborate accounts of being wronged. It’s easy to begin to wonder what they are really learning at school!

In Montessori we always try to understand what is happening developmentally, so we can address children’s needs and offer the best forms of support. When we consider our six- to twelve-year-olds, it’s pretty apparent how they are intensely focused on peers!

Physical Changes

As children approach the age of six, it’s easy to see the physical changes of middle childhood. Their hair becomes coarser. They lose that soft baby skin. Their first teeth begin to fall out. Their bodies become more stretched out. It is as if our children literally become rougher!

In addition, they have incredible physical stamina and can ride bikes, swim, climb trees, and play games from dawn to dusk. This newfound toughness means they are less likely to make a fuss over scrapes, bruises, or falls. Often neatness and cleanliness no longer seem to matter and we may find ourselves offering multiple reminders to comb hair, change clothes, brush teeth, or even take a shower.

A Focus on Friends

In addition to these physical changes, elementary-age children are also shifting how they relate to others. They are developing their moral compass during a time in their lives when their thinking is still pretty black and white. As a result, they are regularly trying to evaluate what is happening with everyone around them. This is when tattling can take center stage. When they come to report someone else's actions, it’s often their attempt to figure out if the choices others made were right or wrong. Elementary children are trying to make sense of the rules, including how a group is organized: who leads, who follows, and what sacrifices need to be made.

In addition, elementary-age children begin to want to extend themselves beyond their family structure. This is when we start to see them separate from us as parents. They might walk ahead on the sidewalk or be reluctant to hold hands. What was previously a long goodbye at the start of the day shifts to a quick wave as they head down the sidewalk. They want to stretch beyond the bounds of home, and even past the school walls. They seem to constantly ask for playdates and sleepovers. Sometimes it can be hard to keep up with what is happening in their social world!

All of these shifts are part of normal development. In fact, it’s not just nice for elementary-aged children to be involved with their peers: it is essential for their social-emotional development. This is when children are trying to figure out who they are in relation to their friends.

Montessori Support

In Montessori, instead of working in opposition to this development, we use it to our advantage. Rather than relegate this social time to lunchtime or recess, we give lessons to small groups of children and encourage collaboration. When you come to visit our elementary classrooms, you might see a handful of children working through the steps of long division together as they navigate if 23 goes evenly into 2,425, or two students constructing the unfolding of events on an American History timeline, or a guide supporting four children sorting nouns by whether they are common, proper, abstract, or concrete.

For elementary children, there is incredible value in working with peers. Social learning comes first and foremost and opens the door for intellectual and academic pursuits. A reluctant writer can be inspired by a friend who wants to create a story together. Seeing classmates construct the periodic table can lead to an interest in learning about elements as building blocks of matter. Joining a group researching ancient Egypt can spark a lifelong joy of digging into history.

In Montessori, we also recognize that elementary-aged children need to go out beyond family and school bounds in order to practice taking steps in the broader world. To support this need, we offer opportunities for students to organize excursions based on their interests. A small group might arrange an interview with a local historian, visit a museum to see a style of art they have been studying, or even organize a trip to the store to gather supplies for a project.

At Home Support

Even though it can be hard to embrace some of the changes that emerge in the elementary years, it’s a great time to celebrate this new level of independence. Elementary-age children are more capable than ever before! The key is finding jobs and responsibilities that appeal to their sense of no longer being a little kid.

At home, we can explore opportunities for running an errand, which can start as simply as sending our kids to a different aisle in the grocery store to fetch an item from the list, or delivering a note to neighbors down the street. Eventually, they might want to take on additional jobs or responsibilities, like weeding the garden, mowing the grass, or stacking wood. Their physical stamina can be a gift as they take on bigger work at home.

When your child comes home complaining about the latest social event at school, take a deep breath and remember it’s developmental! Acknowledge their feelings and resist the temptation to want to solve the social drama of the day. Being a thoughtful and reflective listener allows our children to process and reflect on what they are experiencing in their little practice society.

If something sounds particularly concerning, it’s helpful to ask if they would like some help in solving whatever is coming up for them. Sometimes our kids just want to vent or air grievances, not unlike the times we may come home from work and just want to complain a bit. Yet it is also helpful to let our children know we can support proactive and respectful communication and problem-solving.

Although it may seem like our elementary children are only focused on friends, it’s a natural and healthy part of their development. In many ways, they are experimenting with and practicing what it means to live in a society. Our patient understanding and support will serve them well and provide hope for the future.

Schedule a tour and observation of our elementary classroom to see this support in action!

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The Quiet Landing: Why Children Need Time After School

By Danielle Giordano • February 10, 2026

When we pick up our children from school, it’s almost automatic to ask, “How was your day?” And just as automatically, the answers tend to fall flat: fine, good, okay, or sometimes nothing at all. As adults, we can probably relate. When someone asks about our day, we don’t always feel like revisiting every detail, especially before we’ve had a chance to rest or reset. For children, this challenge is even greater. In Montessori environments, children are immersed in experiences that are rich, complex, and often difficult to put into words. How does a young child explain the sensorial experience of carefully carrying each cube of the Pink Tower across the room? Or describe the quiet satisfaction of discovering that ten tens create a hundred square? Or articulate the subtle social negotiations that happen during community lunch? Even for older children, language often lags behind experience. Why “How Was Your Day?” Can Feel Like Too Much As children move into the elementary years, they are also navigating peer relationships that are still very black and white. A single interaction can color their entire perception of the day. So their reports may sound overly simple: someone was mean, someone was nice, the day was bad, the day was good. But often, the issue isn’t that children don’t want to share. Instead, the timing is off. Research on children’s nervous systems helps explain why. When children walk out of school, their brains are often still in a state of high alert. Throughout the day they’ve managed noise, social expectations, concentration, corrections, and constant stimulation. Their nervous system hasn’t fully shifted out of “school mode” yet. So it helps if we remember that we aren’t greeting children in their most rational state. Those first minutes after pickup are a transition, not a conversation window. When we jump in with questions too quickly, even well-meaning ones, we may unintentionally overwhelm our children’s nervous system, which hasn’t had time to settle. Connection Before Conversation In Montessori, we place great importance on transitions. We know children need time to move from one state of being to another, whether that’s arriving at school, moving between activities, or going home at the end of the day. Instead of starting with questions, we can start with presence. When we first see our children, a warm greeting that communicates “I’m happy to see you” goes a long way. Some children need a snack. Some need quiet. Some need movement, proximity, or simply space. This is not the moment to gather information. This is the moment to re-establish connection. When families allow even 10 to 12 minutes of quiet decompression after school, through silence, music, or simply being together, children regulate more quickly. Evening stress decreases, cooperation improves, and children are more likely to talk voluntarily later on. Rather than interrogating right after school. Try coexisting. This pause is deeply respectful. When Children Are Ready to Talk Later, after your child has had time to settle back into your care, you may notice that conversation begins naturally. This is often when children share what mattered most to them, not what we might have thought to ask about. When you do open the door to conversation, gentle specificity helps. Broad questions like “How was your day?” can feel overwhelming. Instead, try comments that invite reflection without pressure: “I noticed you seemed really focused when I picked you up.” “I’m here if you want to tell me about something you worked on today.” “What felt good about today?” Just as important as the words is our availability. Putting down the phone, pausing the logistics, and showing with our body language that we are truly listening makes it safer for children to share. Listening for Timing, Not Just Content This approach applies across ages. Even adolescents benefit from what some call a “quiet landing” after school. When we honor timing, we’re less likely to walk into the emotional residue of the day and more likely to build cooperation and connection later. In Montessori, we often say: regulation comes before reflection. Children don’t need us to extract their feelings. They need us to create the conditions where feelings can land safely. Sometimes that looks like silence. Sometimes it looks like presence. And sometimes, after enough space has been given, it looks like a child finally saying exactly what mattered most. So the question isn’t just “Do I listen to what my child says?” And instead becomes: “Do I listen for when they’re ready to speak?” Curious to learn more strategies to support your child during transitions? Set up a time to come visit here in [Your Town/Location]. We love to connect! .

Understanding Equivalence: A Montessori Approach to Math Insight

By Danielle Giordano • February 4, 2026

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Elementary Story: How Geometry Got Its Name

By Danielle Giordano • January 30, 2026

In Montessori elementary classrooms, we like to introduce big ideas with big stories. We offer children a sense of wonder first, sort of like an imaginative doorway, so that when they later study formulas, theorems, and proofs, they already feel connected to the human story behind them. One of these stories is The Story of How Geometry Got Its Name, an introduction to a subject that is far older than the textbooks and protractors we encounter today. In Montessori, Geometry is more than about shapes. It is about human beings solving real problems in the real world. A Problem as Old as Civilization To introduce geometry, we take children about five thousand years back in time to the ancient civilization of Egypt. This was a land shaped by the , the longest river in the world. Each year, the Nile flooded its banks as snowmelt poured down from the mountains far to the south. The Egyptians depended on this yearly flood as it left behind rich, dark silt that nourished their crops and made life possible in an otherwise harsh desert. But the flood created a challenge, too. It washed away the boundary markers that separated one farmer’s field from another. When the waters receded, no one could quite remember where their land began and ended. Arguments ensued. “This corner is mine!” And the fields needed to be measured and marked again. The First Geometers: The Rope Stretchers To solve this annual problem, the Egyptians relied on a special group of skilled workers called the Harpedonaptai, or Rope Stretchers. These were early land surveyors who used a knotted rope tied at regular intervals and three weights to create a very particular triangle. In the classroom, we invite a few children to hold a prepared rope at its large knots, forming that same triangle. As they stretch it out and lay it on the ground, many quickly recognize what the Egyptians had unknowingly created: a scalene right-angled triangle. This shape would later become central to the geometry studied by Greek mathematicians. The Rope Stretchers used this simple tool to re-establish field boundaries, set right angles, and make sure the land was measured accurately and fairly. Geometry, in its earliest form, served a deeply practical purpose. From Rope to Pyramid The Rope Stretchers’ expertise was valued far beyond the farmlands. They also helped lay out the foundations of temples, monuments, and even the Great Pyramid of Giza. The base of the Great Pyramid is a perfect square, which is an astonishing feat of measurement and design. The Pharaoh himself oversaw these measurements, but it was the Rope Stretchers who executed them. Their work represents one of humanity’s earliest recorded sciences: the careful measuring of the earth. How Geometry Got Its Name The name geometry reflects this ancient practice. It comes from two Greek words: gê — earth metron — measure Geometry literally means earth measurement. The Egyptians did not use the language of right angles, nor did they classify triangles as we do today. Their work was grounded in practical needs. They needed to solve problems, organize land, and create structures that would endure for thousands of years. Yet their discoveries influenced later thinkers like Pythagoras, who likely traveled to Egypt and learned from their methods. Over time, the simple knotted rope inspired a whole discipline devoted to understanding lines, angles, shapes, and the relationships between them. Why We Tell This Story in Montessori When Montessori children hear this story, something important happens. Geometry becomes more than a set of rules or vocabulary words. It becomes a human endeavor born from curiosity, necessity, and ingenuity. This is the heart of Montessori’s cosmic education: helping children see knowledge not as isolated subjects, but as gifts from generations before them. When children pick up a ruler, explore angles with a protractor, or classify triangles in the classroom, they are continuing a legacy that began with those early Rope Stretchers on the banks of the Nile. Through story, children feel connected to the people who shaped our world and to the problems that inspired great ideas. Schedule a tour today to see how geometry becomes meaningful, purposeful, and alive for our children here in Old Saybrook, CT.